I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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