Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
