I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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