I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just blew my weed a kiss
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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