Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
