9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
