Kiss
Puke
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
