I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
