Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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