ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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