i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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