Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
