Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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