My sheets look like a crime scene.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
