decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
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i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
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What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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