at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
