so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
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