Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
