grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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