Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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