I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
