We're like a lot better than the average bears
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
