Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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