I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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