420 ftw
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
