I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
