well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
