Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Randomize
