God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
