he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
