Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
