I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
