i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
