She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
