Soap is not a condiment
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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