cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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