So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
