dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What did we do last night that was yellow?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
