We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
