Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
