you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
