ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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