He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
