I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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