He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
