I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
