You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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