just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
