Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
is wine microwaveable?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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