Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize