census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
