He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
