i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
