just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
