areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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