Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
