HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
