I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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