Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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