george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
