there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
