so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
