Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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