I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
