I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
did you just send me my own nude
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
