meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
