Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so let's talk penis.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
