I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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