i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
