I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
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If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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