Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
