you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
