you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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