Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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