Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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