Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Even my vagina gasped.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
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I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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