Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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