So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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