im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
