I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
