i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
