No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
