Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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