There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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