I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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