I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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