Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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